Looking for THE bathing suit...

Yes, today was the day to brave the mall in quest of THE bathing suit. I typically loooooove to go shopping and especially with the blessing of my great man, which I had today. But shopping for THE bathing suit is one of those seasonal events--like untangling Christmas lights or buying school supplies--that must be done even though the entire event is anticipated with dread. Dreaded because people are going to be crabby, things won't fit, there will be crowds, and one bad light can ruin the whole thing! The only thing in my favor was a coupon for a favorite store so hopefully I set off in search of THE bathing suit.

I do not understand why everyone is fussing about gas prices when the real clamor should be over THE bathing suit prices. First of all, most of THE bathing suits are wee pieces of semi-stretchy fabric that do nothing but accentuate body flaws. Secondly, the very tactic THE bathing suit manufacturers employ to hide body flaws, namely make these wee pieces of fabric in loud colors and prints to hide unflattering flab by drawing the eye away doesn't work. What actually happens is that THE bathing suit on said woman becomes a walking billboard yelling "Look at the polka dots on those love handles!" or "See how these stripes show the disproportion in this lady's top!" or "Did you notice that tropical flowers splashed across your mid-section makes you a prime candidate for a tummy tuck?" Thirdly, the sizes are all wrong because even if you typically wear a size 6 or a size 8 in clothes, you're probably going to need anywhere from a size 12 to a size 18 in a bathing suit. Don't the manufacturers know that all the "smart" fashion designers cut their clothes large so they can start at 00 and work their way up to a size 4 which in other clothes would really be a size 10? Because then an otherwise intelligent woman will really plunk down the money for the mental satisfaction of thinking she's walked into this store and lost 32 pounds and that's why all the clothes are "too big!"

It is the sizing scam that really makes me want to scream about prices because to combat the whole "wrong" size problem, the solution is now to offer a whole department of THE bathing suit separates. So instead of paying $88.00 for one or two awful pieces of wee, loud and obnoxious semi-stretchy fabric in a size 16, the racketeers want you to pay $56.00 a piece. The benefit is supposed to be a better individual fit--a size 8 top paired with a size 10 bottom. Just how that's supposed to make me feel better, I don't know.

It took 5 trips to the dressing room, 4 hot flashes, 3 times someone tried to come into my dressing room, 2 hours and 1 coupon to purchase THE bathing suit separate mini solid black swim skirt which I will gladly pair with one of the previous year's tops.

It's over again for a season, THE bathing suit.....finis!